July 14, 2008

It's just a cup of coffee people

Talk about needing to get a life... From Jeff Simmermon writing at And I Am Not Lying comes this story of an iced espresso:
Murky Coffee, Arlington: Hold That Espresso Between Your Knees
Maybe condescending service from a patronizing millenial at a DC coffee shop isn�t news to anyone else. But the only way I�m ever coming back to Murky Coffee in Arlington is if I�m carrying matches and a can of kerosene.

I just ordered my usual summertime pick-me-up: a triple shot of espresso dumped over ice. And the guy at the counter looked me in the eye with a straight face and said �I�m sorry, we can�t serve iced espresso here. It�s against our policy.�

The whole world turned brown and chunky for a second. Flecks of corn floated past my pupils, and it took me a second to blink it all away.

�Okay,� I said, �I�ll have a triple espresso and a cup of ice, please.�

He rolled his eyes and rang it up, took my money, gave me change. I stood there and waited. Then the barista called me over to the bar. I reached for it, and he leaned over and locked his eyes with mine, saying �Hey man. What you�re about to do � that�s really, really Not Okay.�

I could hear the capital letters in his voice, could see the gravity of the situation in his eyes.

He continued: �This is our store policy, to preserve the integrity of the coffee. It�s about the quality of the drink, and diluting the espresso is really not cool with us. So I mean, you�re going to do what you�re going to do, and I can�t stop you, but�

I interrupted. �You�re goddamned right you can�t stop me,� I said. �I happen to have a personal policy that prohibits me from indulging stupid bullshit like this � and another personal policy of doing what I want with the products I pay for.� Then I looked him right in his big wide eyes and poured the espresso onto the ice.

The whole thing was so Jack Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces.
And of course, Jeff left a tip:
precious_coffee_policy.jpg
To their credit, murky coffee responded wonderfully and their Open Letter to Jeff Simmermon lists a few of their policies, gives props to the barista on duty and closes with these words:
To Mr. Simmermon, you overplayed your hand with your vulgar tip-schtick. While I certainly won't bemoan you your right to free-speech, I have to respond to you in your own dialect: Fuck you, Jeff Simmermon. Considering your public threat of arson, you'll understand when I say that if you ever show your face at my shop, I'll punch you in your dick.

Respectfully,
Nick
Owner, murky coffee
Right back at'cha... Posted by DaveH at July 14, 2008 8:07 PM