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A Dog Story

From The Onion Hat tip to Rob at Gut Rumbles

Area Dog Will Never Live Up To Dog On Purina Bag
KANSAS CITY, MO—Although those close to Buster characterize him as a good boy, the area collie-rottweiler mix reported Monday that he will never live up to the standard set by the show-quality golden retriever on the Purina Dog Chow bag.

"I try as hard as I can," said Buster, lying on his blanket in the entryway of the Hopkins-family home. "I welcome [Buster's owner] Gerald [Hopkins] home every night with lots and lots of barks and leaps. And when he sits down in his chair to read, I lie quietly at his feet. Still, when I see that dog on the Dog Chow bag, I feel like I'm nothing."

Without lifting his head from his paws, Buster turned his eyes to the shelf above the dryer, where the trim and muscular golden retriever on the 40-pound bag of Purina Dog Chow bounded across a green lawn.

According to Buster, the dog is almost certainly American Kennel Club-certified.

"Look at that coat," Buster said. "Thick and soft... And his color! Varying shades of rich and lustrous gold. As for me, I'm sort of a rough, dull black, and I know it. I've known it since I figured out that the strange, scentless dog in the mirror is me. Ever since then...well, I try my best not to whine, but it's hard to live with the fact that I will never measure up."

"It didn't take two vets to piece together what breed that dog was," Buster added.

The kicker is that we have a Buster that looks remarkably like the one in the photograph... Eerie... Also not on the cover of a Purina Bag but we don't feed any of our animals Purina products. Funny story, Purina makes chow for laboratory animals and they produce a Monkey Chow. I used to know someone in Seattle who swore by the stuff. Kept a bowl on his desk and munched on it while he was talking with you. I am assuming that he was doing this to gross people out but you never know with academics... Posted by DaveH at March 7, 2005 8:08 PM