If Microsoft made Guitar Amplifiers
Heh...
Check this out:
If Microsoft made guitar amps...
1- The actual amp would be very cheap, but the system needed to adjust the volume and tone would be $200+. And you'd need a multi-user agreement if your mate plugs into channel 2.
2- You want your band logo on the face plate and speaker cloth but, even after reading "amps for dummies" three times, it still says "My Amplifier".
3- If one string breaks, the whole music stops.
4- To play your Gibson Les Paul through the Microsoft Bassman, you need Acrobat Reader. And you haven't got the latest version.
4- "Vol control 2006" has come out. Time to get a new amp and stash the old one in the loft with the others.
5- "Vol control 2006" still just goes round from one to ten, but it looks a bit flashier, has a "hilarious" .wav file as it goes round and the option to put a jerky old .gif of your 3-month-old sucking a bottle labelled "Jack Daniels" in the centre of the dial.
6- You need to get to a gig 20 minutes before startup in order to switch on. This is so that a nice pic of a field and some clouds can come up. The icons for adjusting the vol and tone will be any minute now...
7- Each chord played comes with the message "Your file has been transferred" and you have to click on the "OK" footswitch to play the next one.
8- The other guitarist keeps bringing along amps made by small independents that piddle all over yours, sonically. Your Microsoft amp sidles over to them, tries to reverse engineer their best features but makes a right pig's ear of it. It then pushes the small, independent amp off the stage.
9- The Penguin Cafe Orchestra will have nothing to do with Microsoft amps, and play in bars with only twenty people watching, congratulating each other on how easy it is to adjust their volume and tone knobs, still using an amp they bought five years ago.
10- If you play F# when the rest of the band play G, the bum note will hang forever in the air, despite your frantic attempts to close it down.
11- When you unplug the jack lead, you get the message "Are you sure you want to exit this amplifier?"
12- You switch off the amplifier. You've got twenty minutes teardown, but that's enough to get a quick beer at the bar. When you come back, the amp has the message "Ending last song. Last song is not responding. Click 'OK' to end last song." You now have only 5 minutes to teardown.
This is a new post on a guitar forum so there will probably be some good additions in the next few days...
Posted by DaveH at January 24, 2006 8:10 PM