Skippy's List
From
here.
Skippy�s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (�What about especially patriotic porn?�)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (�Schwarz�what is *that*?� said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? �Um�.a rubber sheep�I can explain why that�s there�.�)
To explain how I�ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly�.. I�m funny, so they let me live.
The 213 Things�.
1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I�m supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is �Specialist Schwarz� not �Princess Anastasia�.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone�s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play �Pulp Fiction� with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add �In accordance with the prophesy� to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don�t like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product �Get Over it�.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone�s soul on government time.
203 more at the site. Fun stuff and gives me some ideas...
Posted by DaveH at July 13, 2011 3:02 PM