July 13, 2011

Skippy's List

From here.
Skippy�s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army
Explanations of these events:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (�What about especially patriotic porn?�)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (�Schwarz�what is *that*?� said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? �Um�.a rubber sheep�I can explain why that�s there�.�)

To explain how I�ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly�.. I�m funny, so they let me live.

The 213 Things�.

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I�m supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is �Specialist Schwarz� not �Princess Anastasia�.

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone�s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play �Pulp Fiction� with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add �In accordance with the prophesy� to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don�t like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product �Get Over it�.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone�s soul on government time.
203 more at the site. Fun stuff and gives me some ideas... Posted by DaveH at July 13, 2011 3:02 PM
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